Monthly Archives: January 2011

By all means… seal it with a kiss!

Remember when the words ‘making love’ didn’t necessarily mean sex? Many movies of the 1950s and ‘60s were rife with the suggestion of sex, but most went only as far as a passionate smooch. Then the camera either faded out, the music rose, or you were directed to an open window near the amorous couple, left to imagine the graphic details. In today’s world, where movies and TV shows show little to no foreplay in sex scenes that have become more casually graphic as the years go by, kissing seems to have all but disappeared.

Perhaps that is why the 1995 movie, The Bridges of Madison County, resounded with so many women. The male lead, Robert Kincaid, (Clint Eastwood) is mesmerized by the sight of  Francesa (Meryl Streep) standing in the kitchen doorway, dressed in a lovely new frock, her hair upswept, her face glowing. “You look stunning,” he says of the long-married war bride from Italy transplanted in the heart of America. Her family is away at the state fair and Kincaid is a roving National Geographic photographer who is in town to photograph the scenic covered bridges in the area. He and Francesca meet when he asks for directions and instead of just describing how to get there, she accompanies him to his subject bridge. After that, the plot thickens and after she invites him to enjoy a second home-cooked meal with her, the scene is set. The phone rings.  Robert sits down at the kitchen table and as Francesca chats casually with a friend, trying not to let on that she is entertaining a strange man.  As she talks into the phone, she touches Robert on the shoulder, fixing his collar. She then leaves her hand lingering there. He acknowledges this gesture by reaching up and caressing her hand with his own. The sexual tension is electric with a tinge of awkwardness that only makes it more delicious.

A fairly long slow-dancing scene follows, where the two star-crossed but forbidden lovers-to-be graze one another’s faces with their lips and then finally connect. The eroticism of this scene is as powerful as any love scene in any movie ever made. And what’s it all about?  Kissing.  Powerful. Meaningful. Kissing.

This made me wonder why so many established couples somehow discontinue the practice of kissing one another somewhere along the way.  Truth be told, kissing was probably a staple in their early relationship, setting the mood for whatever came next or merely making a moment with one another delectable, holding promise for – whenever. It was the stuff reflective memory/fantasies were once made of, permitting couples to look back on how they ‘made out’ on a front porch, in a car or during a movie. So does it have to end? The answer is abso-friggin’-lootely NOT. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain who says kissing is a routine casualty of a long-term relationship.

Dr. Laura Berman, in her MSNBC article, Pucker up! Secrets to being a better kisser, says, “While first kisses may determine the future of a relationship, it is the kisses that follow that determine the happiness of a relationship.” Many couples in long-term relationships often find that the practice of lingering kisses become memories merely because the business of everyday pressures take over, making them a distant memory except for the occasional weekend getaway or vacation, when they feel more relaxed. “A little lip-lock can be a surefire way to spice up your marriage and keep your relationship intimate,” she adds. “I advise my clients to engage in a 10-second-long kiss every day. It is bound to feel unnatural at first, but this is just a tool to get you back in the habit of kissing your partner. Before long, you will find that kissing has become a spontaneous and fun part of your relationship again.”

But did you know that kissing is actually good for you?  It has been reported that physiological changes take place all over the body from kissing alone — not necessarily the ones that are obvious. Sensitivity and endorphins increase throughout the body and even the feeling of pain is suppressed.

In her article, The Science of Kissing, Sheryl Kirshenbaum reports that kissing is one of the most intimate expressions between two people, inspiring all forms of art, from music to painting and especially to literature, shaping both history and legend. “We’re exchanging pheromones,” she writes. “In fact, when we’re engaged, our bodies release a cocktail of chemicals related to social bonding, stress level, motivation, and sexual stimulation. We become, in effect, ‘under the influence.’ It’s powerful.”

So if your relationship started off with kisses that sent your heart racing and the made the rest of the world fade away, there is no reason you can’t reprise this practice with your partner or spouse by merely reminiscing about how much fun it used to be and then retracing your steps. Did he once press you against a wall and nibble on your neck while you two made out long ago? Remind him of how much you miss that and dare him to make you feel the way you did then.   You know men.  They love a challenge… and chances are good that he can take it from there.


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