At last — an owner’s manual to midlife love and romance

Of all the topics I cover in my columns, few evoke more positive reactions from readers than those about midlife love and romance.  It could be because  unattached Boomers in their 40s and 50s are at an exciting crossroads.

Why a crossroads?  Unless people in midlife are settled into long-term marriages, they generally fall into three categories:  (1) those who married and divorced and their kids are grown or nearly grown, (2) those who never took the plunge, either because they never wanted to or because they would rather go to their graves unmarried than be with the wrong person, and (3) those who have lost their significant others or spouses.

The U.S. Census Bureau cites that the rate of people in the second group (never-marrieds) are now finding love at unprecendented levels, probably due to the pool of available people surfacing in the other two groups and the advent of online dating.

So how do people in our age group stack the odds in their favor where love and romance is concerned?  Some of the stories I’ve heard about online dating experiences are enough to make my eyelashes curl without the aid of a torture device.  Sure, it’s a jungle out there.  But as women, there are ways of meeting people and setting yourself up for success that might produce better results than posting profiles that start out with, “I like long walks in the sunset and adore my cat.”

I am finding that there is a need for a book to help catapult the single, middle-aged gal into realizing that just because she is no proberbial Jennifer Aniston doesn’t mean she can’t be a real catch in middle age.  It’s all in the attitude and not far behind it, the presentation. Thus, the reason for writing my upcoming book, The Smart Women’s Guide to Romance in Midlife.

With the text still in its rough draft stages, I am looking for stories to use as illustrations in the book. If you or someone you know has experienced finding the love of your life, and the subjects of the story are between the ages of 45 and 65 (or close),  I would love to hear from you. You don’t have to be a writer to tell your story — telephone interviews can be set up. First names only will be used, but the stories must be true. You can help others by telling these inspiring stories!! In exchange for your help, I will give you three copies of the book, along with my profuse and eternal appreciation.

In my classically irreverent style, I will deal with a host of topics women want to hear about, from first impressions (bad hair days to how not to dress for a first date), how talking incessantly about your last boyfriend or husband is boh-ring (and what it says about you), what important questions to ask a man phrased so that he doesn’t feel as if you are the grand inquisitor, and some telltale signs that the guy just could be a keeper. I will also go into being the best you can be before setting your sites on finding the best person, the mindset you bring with you, dressing for the body you have instead of the one you want, how to write an online profile that is honest, engaging and interesting, the obstacles you throw in your way that may keep you from going forward, what NOT to talk about on the first few dates, and how to spot guys that may SAY they want to hook up for the long-term, but give out warning signs that indicate otherwise.

Stories that are used will illustrate points in each section, hopefully giving gals the boost they need to go for the gusto and perhaps learn a little bit about themselves along the way.

This is an exciting adventure for me and hopefully for the ladies who read my upcoming book. Locally, I am holding seminars using my book as the theme. Included in these seminars are makeup, fitness and wardrobe experts giving advice tailored to women in our age group, so there is never a dull moment.

So, Lady Boomers unite!  There is so much wisdom among us out there for the single gals to learn from, and from what I know, women are the finest networkers ever, offering support and sisterhood at every turn.

Send your questions and stories to me at dena@communic8or.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

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Filed under Dena's Lady Boomer Column and personal musings

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